请帮我修改一下雅思小作文,The graph reveals the requirement of electricity in England during typical days in winter and summer.The following chart describes what the electricity is used for English home in an average level.We can clearly l

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请帮我修改一下雅思小作文,The graph reveals the requirement of electricity in England during typical days in winter and summer.The following chart describes what the electricity is used for English home in an average level.We can clearly l
请帮我修改一下雅思小作文,
The graph reveals the requirement of electricity in England during typical days in winter and summer.The following chart describes what the electricity is used for English home in an average level.
We can clearly learn that in winter English family demand for electricity from 40,000droped to 30000units within four hours,and then went up sharply to the highest point after 14 hours.
Meanwhile,it’s decreased steadily in the first 9 hours,and after about 5 hours reached to the summit in summer.Then it’s tending to be stabled.
Through the pie chart,it’s displayed us that nearly 52.5%of the English home uses the electricity for heating rooms and heating water.The percentage of the rest three parts were almost equally in many other ways.
In conclusion,English home used the electricity in miscellaneous ways.And comparing with the two seasons curve of demand for electricity in English people daily life ,it’s quite different as well .

请帮我修改一下雅思小作文,The graph reveals the requirement of electricity in England during typical days in winter and summer.The following chart describes what the electricity is used for English home in an average level.We can clearly l
what改in which way English families
learn别和clearly搭配最好,clearly see就可以了.dropped不是droped
应该是drop to...from...不是from...drop to..图表上最高点summit或者peak
下一段语意不顺,要大改.and后面接了一个时间状语再出现无主语的动词实在是读起来难过.最后句it tends to be stable就可以.
it's displayed us太中文了.通过饼图,我们可以发现,这样改.home 改families.复数,后面use不加s.烧水boiling water.equal不是equally.最后句没看懂..
最后段,全文都用比较通俗的英语的情况下别用那么大的形容词,不舒服的感觉.最后句你自己分析下主谓.
2个意见,一是时态要统一,一是主谓要一致.推荐你写好自己读下,感觉不是很顺.意思还是挺清楚了,除了几句

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The （first/left/upside）graph reveals the requirement of electricity in England during （several）typical days in winter and summer. The （second/right/downside）following chart describes what （is） the electricity used for English home in an average level.
We can clearly learn that ，（during the winter in one typical day，the families） demand for electricity from 40,000（units） droped to 30000units within four hours, and then went up sharply to the highest point after 14 hours.
Meanwhile, in the summer，it’s decreased steadily in the first 9 hours, and after about 5 hours reached to the summit . Then it’s tending to be stabled.
Through the pie chart, it’s displayed us that nearly 52.5%of the （houses users） uses the electricity for heating rooms and heating water. The percentage of the three rest parts were almost （equal） in many other ways.【you may want to say what're those ways included by names】
In conclusion, English home used the electricity in miscellaneous ways.【again，you should mention the names that chart gave you】. And comparing with the two seasons curve of demand for electricity in English people daily life , it’s quite different as well . 【you can mention the highest and lowest time in each season,that would be better^_^】

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